The Honey Bee

Mid autumn. The time of year when the leaves have been laying on the ground long enough to dry out, giving that classic fall crunching noise with each fresh step. Liam had always loved that sound. It meant that Halloween was coming and he and Lukas could play football together outside. No tackling, of course. Liam would never scare his brother like that.

Liam's hands were shoved into the pockets of his leather jacket as he looked up at the house where he and his twin had spent their childhood. Men were moving boxes, and he could see his mother frantically telling one of the workers to be extremely careful with one box in particular; something about it being filled with pictures and such. God, it wasn't like he was going to just throw it into the truck. "Ma he ain't gonna take a bat to it!" the large man called, his mother looking over at him with a confused expression on her face before she chose to ignore her son completely in order to go back to micro managing the moving process.

"Liam, shut up. Mom's already got enough going on...." a softer voice said as a smaller body came up next to him. The size difference between the twins was vast, but certainly the most noticeable when they were standing next to each other. Lukas had always taken the brunt of teasing, but Liam had never let a soul get away with it without consequence to their health. "Here...I got your coffee that's mostly cream and sugar so really I don't even know how you can call it coffee except that there is some in there somewhere..."

Liam looked to the side and down towards his brother, a smirk coming over his face as he saw the huge cup that was all for him. "Just the way I like it. And yeah yeah, I know but shit Lukie she's giving them all hell."

"Yeah well, I don't think she ever saw herself moving out of this house into a condo, so give her a break alright?" Lukas replied as he sipped his cup of hot chocolate. There was a silence between the 28-year-old brothers before Lukas finally decided that he needed to be the one to bring up the subject. "Have you been up there yet?" he asked, almost casually.

Liam had a very different reaction to such a simple question. For a 6'8" giant he suddenly looked uneasy and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Um.....was....kinda waitin' for you to get back..."

Lukas nodded. "Alright. Well...I'm here now, so let's go do this while Mom is still really distracted. I know you don't want to get her involved."

Liam just nodded, though it took him another five minutes before he mentally committed to what they had to do. The first step he took landed his boot in a particularly dry patch of leaves. Maybe that sound was what made Lukas's hand come up to the sleeve of Liam's jacket, making Liam turn around to shoot his twin a questioning look.

"You took your meds today, right...?" the smaller brother asked very cautiously.

Liam would normally be upset at that question, but really in this situation it was warranted. "Yeah I did. Now come on before I change my mind," he said in an almost gentle if not nervous voice. The two of them headed into the old house past many moving men, slipping past their mother who was again giving the same poor man a hard time but now about her favorite set of china. Up an old creaky staircase that used to frighten Lukas when they were younger. Down a long hallway that was constructed out of the same wood as the staircase; a dark stain applied to it which in Liam's opinion made the house look exactly its age.

The last room on the right had been their playroom. Lukas knew that its true intention was always to be the bedroom of the baby girl their mother had always wanted but never had. Their father would never allow any more children after they had been born. Stepping inside first he looked back at Liam, who was adjusting the bandana on his head that held back his unruly mess of chocolate brown hair. "Liam...? Do you think that...Mom was mad when I came out and wasn't a girl?"

Liam blinked, obviously not ready for that sort of question. At least it was one he could easily answer. He stepped over to Lukas, his hands moving right away to fix the hood on the back of Lukas's black sweatshirt that kept him warm in the cooler months. "Are you kidding? She loved us both more than anything. She was just happy to have us. Wouldn't you be if you were her?"

Lukas nodded. "Yeah, you're right. She never made me feel that way I just...well, never mind. Let's just get this done before someone comes in here," he said as he headed over to the far left corner of the room. It seemed just like any other part of the house, but if it was Lukas wouldn't look so nervous. "You gotta do it, okay? It's what you have to do."

"I know Lukie I know I do..." Liam replied. Maybe Lukas's left field question had been nothing but a mental distraction that hadn't worked too well, he thought. "Fuck...okay...let's just...fucking hell," he said softly, really to himself more than to his brother. Liam moved to Lukas and suddenly knelt to the floor, taking another moment to just stare at it. Then quickly he reached out to one board in particular, pulling at it on one end while pushing down in another. The board easily lifted and stayed at a 45 degree angle while Liam reached down inside the space below the floor. "Remember when we found this and thought there might be treasure inside?" he said, looking up to Lukas and giving a soft smile. Anything to ease the tension.

Lukas warmly returned the gesture. "Yeah, I remember that day. You said we were like pirates. I was kinda upset when we didn't find anything..."

"Yeah I know...but at least it gave us a little hiding space," he said as he pulled out a medium sized lockbox. Setting the box on the floor, he reached to his belt and pulled his keys off of a loop, searching through them until he found one small key in particular. It was old, worn, and guarded with every bit of Liam's life. People had asked him what it was for because it had an interesting decorative look to the top of it, but he would always just shrug the question off. Lukas knew, and that was what was important.

The key fit into the hole of the box like a glove, of course. It felt so strange to turn it again after so many years. A sudden creek in the hallway then made Liam quickly look up to Lukas. When they then heard it was just one of the moving men, he nodded. "Go shut the door…" he whispered. Lukas nodded and did as his brother asked.

The distraction gave Liam another moment to regain himself before he heard the popping sound the now open lock made to signify that it was time. Large hands reached to the lid, opening it carefully and then letting it rest back on its hinges. The smell of time was inside, along with three objects. Two of them were very old, very worn and very loved handmade stuffed animals. The final object Liam took into his hands with the most delicate touch he could manage. It was an old photograph.

Lukas came up behind his brother now and carefully leaned over him to look. He could hear Liam chuckle softly, and that made Lukas smile. The scene of the picture was perfect. An older, heavy set woman with curly blond hair was sitting on a couch. To her left was a tiny little boy with long brown hair that fell into his eyes and needed badly to be trimmed. To her right was a larger boy with a mischievous look in his bright smile. Each of the boys was holding a stuffed toy; Lukas a teddy bear with a pot of honey, and Liam a carefully crafted honey bee. They could not have looked happier, and neither could the woman who had her arms around each of them.

"What were we...eight here right? Yeah. Jesus you were so tiny…" Liam said as he grinned up towards his brother.

"Yeah and you were so—" Lukas started to say.

"Normal?" Liam interjected flatly.

Lukas blinked. "Liam that's not what I was going to—"

"It doesn't matter what you were going to say, it's the truth, right? I was normal. All those years ago, that's when I was fucking normal…" Liam said, his voice starting to get heated but he kept his volume down. It was not his temper that was starting to boil. It was his emotions, though that was equally dangerous.

"Liam…" Lukas said softly now as his voice trailed off. It was one of those moments when he had a million things to say but nothing could form a sentence that would make sense. 'Liam you are normal', he could say. But that was a lie. 'Liam I love you', he could say. But it wouldn't change the man's feelings. He needed to feel, Lukas reminded himself. This was why they were here. He couldn't run from this pain any longer.

Liam was silent. He was staring. Memories of his childhood were all flashing through his mind. The future had all looked so bright. So many people had so many hopes for him. And then when he turned eleven, things started to change. He started to see things that weren't there. Shadows. By thirteen it was getting worse, and by fifteen the distorted sounds started to plague him. His later criminal trial and ultimate conviction were simply a breaking point many years in the making.

With a hand on Liam's shoulder, Lukas could feel the man take a heavy sigh. Liam put the picture down gently on the floor in exchange for the honey bee stuffed toy. It looked so small now, but when he was eight, and his favorite grandmother had given it to him especially for his birthday, it had been the greatest present in the world. "I…." he started to softly say, but Lukas could hear the cracking in the man's voice. He bit his lip. He knew this would be hard for himself as well.

"I'm sorry, Grandma…I let you down. You wanted me to be something. You…you always told me not to let anything hold me back because I was smart and I could do anything I wanted to do…" he said to the toy in his hands, tears that had been held back now quickly falling down his face. "And I tried, Grandma, I really tried not to let it hold me back but it won. It won over and over again and it laughed at me as I suffered. I let you down…"

"Liam you didn't let her down!" Lukas said quickly, his arms now moving around his brother's shoulders as he tried to hug the man's pain away. "It's not your fault you're sick…she'd still be proud of you. Especially now that you're trying really hard to get better…"

Liam lifted a hand to quickly wipe his tears away. He didn't want to cry, even if his therapist said it was a good thing to do every now and then.

"At least…I did one thing she told me to do…."

"What was that…?"

"She…she always told me that the bear and the honey bee have to stick together…no matter what…I don't think she had all of this psychiatric bullshit in mind but still…I can hear her say it to me even now, even through all the other things I hear in my head. Take care of your brother," he said as he then took a deep breath. The pain of letting down a loved one had been something he secretly feared all of his life. But now, staring down at the toy his grandmother had hand sown for him with all of the love in the world, he realized that it was one of his most irrational fears. That woman, where ever she may be now, would never label him as a failure, a disgrace or a monster. To her, he would always be that happy little boy in the picture who took the best care of his brother. Maybe it was why she had only ever asked one thing of him. It was the one thing she knew he would always be able to do no matter what.

Before Lukas could say anything else, Liam put the bee carefully back into the box along with the picture. "We better get going. I'm taking you and Mom out for dinner."

Lukas smiled softly. He knew better than to say any more about the topic. Liam had done what he needed to do, and if he was satisfied, then they could leave. "For lasagna?" he asked.

"Is there anything else?" he replied, smirking now as he locked the box and tucked it under his arm as he stood up, carefully replacing the floor board. Lukas headed out of the room, and Liam followed behind him. "Love you, Grandma…" he whispered into the empty room, leaving the door to his childhood memories open just a crack behind him.